How to Communicate Better in a Relationship

Do you find yourself getting angry when your partner fails to "just know" what you need? Communication requires efforts. This article provides a little help to get you started.

1.       Practice intercourse. In today's vernacular, that usually means physical bedroom activity, but the root of the word really means to interact on a deeper level. Being intimate has a more significant meaning than being physical. It's about seeing into another person and trying to create a space in your mind for your partner's words, body language, or actions.

2.       Learn to pay attention to the other person's clues. Your partner might not directly address his or her feelings on a certain topic, but there may be plenty of non-verbal clues. Sometimes body language can convey more than actual words. If you are caught in a misunderstanding, it's important to establish your willingness to communicate.

3.       Learn to say what you mean. We've heard the jokes about intent versus actual dialogue -- when she says "this" she really means that -- or, "what he's really trying to tell you is..." Those jokes are funny because of how often they're true. Sometimes we expect our partner to understand our hidden meanings, but wishing or relying on this isn't fair or effective. Instead, lay out your thoughts directly.

4.       Learn to say what you want in a way your partner can really understand. Be specific. For example, instead of offering alternatives to your boyfriend's plans to bring you to a party, tell him the truth: that you just don't want to face all those people after a tough week at work, followed by, "I'm sorry to say that I'm just not in a party mood tonight." Directly laying out your thoughts eliminates resentment and confusion about your motives.

5.       Put yourself in your partner's place. Use the power of imagination to fully envision what your partner's perspective might be in a given situation. Be aware that there might be factors you don't know about

6.       Encourage your partner to freely express the roots of his or her thoughts and feelings.

·                "I'm trying to understand, but I'm not getting there. Am I doing something to upset you?" "No." "Is someone else doing something to upset you?" "No." "Are you just upset?" "Yes." "With me?" "No. Not really." You're narrowing it down. It seems like a lot of effort, but it may be worth it in the end.

·                Allow your partner the freedom to work through internal conflicts.

7.      Proactively address problems and misunderstandings between you and your partner. Both members of the relationship can offer solutions until you find one that is mutually acceptable. A true compromise is one in which both partners feel that their thoughts and feelings are addressed while adhering to real constraints: feasibility, time, cost, etc.

8.      Lighten up. Find time together to just have fun. Do things that both of you really enjoy, including the unexpected. Dive into new things together and reawaken a sense of wonder.

9.      Talk about subjects that the other person loves to hear about. Whenever you communicate in a relationship, it builds bonds and trust and also you may find a mutual interest. So you should not talk about things that the other person doesn't really like to talk about or a subject they are uncomfortable about.